Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Obsessive Compulsions

I'm quite comfortable with my compulsions. I wouldn't call them obsessive. I mean, I could quit any time I felt like it. I just don't feel like it right now. Get off my back. Stop yelling at me. The voices made me do it.
For example, I have an obsession with multiples of five. I like things to end either in a 0 or a 5. It makes it easier to remember. Society already reinforces this issue with time. When was the last time you had a meeting start at 11:17? Well granted, it started then, but it was probably scheduled for 11:00, or possibly 11:15 if people you work with are only a little late. But I like everything to be multiples of five.
If I'm supposed to cook the pizza at 475 for 21-24 minutes I just put it in a little early before the oven has completely heated and cook for 25 minutes. My clock radio/alarm is set five minutes fast and the alarm is almost always set at a multiple of five. I must qualify the almost. Sometimes, if I know I can sleep in a little longer than what the alarm is set for, I'll set the alarm for 5:21. That way, when I hit the nine minute snooze button, I actually get up at 5:30. If I had a five or ten minute option on the snooze my life would be perfect.
The clearest expression of my compulsion is with the TV volume. It must always be set to a multiple of five. Ten is the volume of choice at night when everyone else is sleeping. 15 is optimal in a quite house during the day. 20 allows for excellent listening with moderate noise. 25 is perfect for drowning out background conversation. 30 is ideal for overpowering rambunctious children. 35 is the absolute max, and is only used temporarily to let others know that they are being too loud and that I would like to move the volume back to the more respectable levels of 20 or 25.
At least the compulsion is not debilitating. I'm not crazy enough to wash my hands hundreds of times a day (15 is enough) or turn on every light in the house. I just wish the clerks at the grocery store would do a better job of lining everything up straight. Sometimes it takes hours to get through the canned food aisle making sure all the labels face forwards.

1 comments:

Nikki said...

I read this blog five times. I read this blog five times. I read this blog five times. I read this blog five times. I read this blog five times. It's hilarious!