On Father's Day

Why is it so often assumed we outdoorsmen are totally lacking in sophistication and good taste? Every Christmas, Father's Day, and birthday we become the recipients of such gifts as ties decorated with leaping bass, gigantic belt buckles engraved with moose heads, table-lamp bases in the form of huge shotgun shells, toilet seats of clear resin embedded with assorted game sign, and so on. Sure, we get plenty of neat gifts like these, but also a lot of tasteless stuff, too. (From "Mean Gifts" in the book "The Good Samaritan Strikes Again" by Patrick F. McManus)

The hardest, and greatest, thing about buying gifts for dad is that the things they want, and the things they need, are completely unrelated to each other. If we need it, then we obviously don't want it, because it will probably create more work for us. If we want it, then we are clearly racking our brains to come up with some logical use for the thing. That's why they're called gadgets, and that's why we love them.
For me, you can rest assured that after this Father's Day both my lawn and my nose hairs will be expertly trimmed (not by the same gadget).

Natural Instincts

Wild animals seem to be attracted to my house lately. While traveling a female duck found my flower beds near the front walk to be an irresistible locale for her brood. A shallow nest with eight eggs in now sits tucked away behind my twisted cherry tree. Recipes for 100 year old duck eggs keep popping up on my internet browser at the same rate as the amount of duck poo accumulates on my sidewalk. I'm forced to debate within myself which will create the larger mess, a mother duck and her eight babies walking around and pooping in my grass, or the mess of feathers that tend to get everywhere when skinning water fowl.
There are also at least two frogs taking up residence among the flowers. One of them seems to hop at an angle, possibly the result of being in the wrong place (my garden) at the wrong time (while I was digging) or a naturally occurring genetic defect. Unfortunately their legs are not big enough to be worth looking up recipes, the kids have taken a liking to the frogs, and my dog won't eat them.
I have also found snakes, turtles, and rabbits in my yard, as well as seen the occasional coyote strolling along the gutters late at night or early in the morning. Granted, with urban sprawl and the encroachment of man on wildlife habitats there is expected to be some interaction between animal and man. However, there is no standing water in or near my hard to attract the usually wet loving animals. There are no large trees or natural sources of protection that would appeal to an animal as a place to make a home. The only thing I can think of is that they must be attracted to my natural aura. I developed this natural aura as a survival technique to lure animals to my location in order to murder and eat them.
Watch out little bunny rabbit, if you get into my vegetables I'll turn them into a side dish and you into the main course. I really do prefer the taste of rabbit to duck.

Not A Red Headed Child

Check out Red Headed Children for pictures of the latest Little Morty to enter this crazy world.