The Perfect Burger

I grilled burgers for dinner on Saturday. It was another Oklahoma winter weekend, sunny and in the high sixties, perfect for firing up the barbecue. I like to heat up the grill for a while early so that when I drop the patties on they get the nice lines on them like in the commercials. It's purely superficial, but I like it. Some people like to cook one side completely and then only have to flip once. I like to to flip thrice. Get it nice and soft, then add some Mrs Dash to get some flavor mixed in with the blood. Flip them again and add more Dash.
When they're done I like to add a slice of American cheese so it melts right away. Stack two burgers with pickles, onions, ketchup and miracle whip (and possibly some lettuce). Wash it all down with some not quite ice-cold lemonade (too cold and you can't drink it as fast) and you have an almost perfect meal.
Now, to no one's surprise, there are two burgers left. Take those two burgers, put the extra slices of onion between them, and refrigerate for an excellent lunch the next day right before church. Nothing better than tasting that sweet onion all through church, and you don't have to worry about onion breath, because making out at church is frowned on in most places.

It Smells Like Sawdust

There are a lot of smells that one might expect to find in their garage, but none more rewarding or satisfying than sawdust. Fresh cut lumber and its resultant dust is the critical ingredient needed to turn an ordinary garage into a workshop. Tools also help. Cordless ones that Grandpa Morty bought for your birthday are perfect. Lumber purchased with a Home Depot gift card that Grandpa Morty gave you makes the best smelling sawdust; so, if you don't have one, I'd suggest getting your own Grandpa Morty to help you complete your garage to workshop transition.

I've been wanting a good workbench ever since I got my own garage, and have looked at buying the ready made sets and at plans to build my own. Ready made sets are expensive, and if you accidentally drill through the top you might get mad. Building your own allows you the option of telling your wife that you drilled the holes on purpose as a place to store your screwdrivers. Wives don't appreciate the value of in-bench storage that accidental holes provide, so they still might try to make fun of you, but you can just run some of your power tools to drown out the sound.

I found some pretty simple plans for this workbench, and built myself two of them for Christmas. Then I built simple quilt frames for Mrs. Morty. It's important to keep the ladies happy by giving them gifts of things you've made out of lumber. It keeps them from asking a lot of questions about what you're doing in the garage, and why there are more holes in your workbench top than you have screwdrivers. They just don't understand.

I couldn't find the link to where I found the plans. Mostly it's just measurements and stuff, and if you want to build your own you can see the pictures, apply angular geometry and create your own. Here are a few measurements to get you started: the slot at the bottom is as wide as my thumb, and the gap at the top is as wide as my palm. Measure once-cut twice I always say.