Why Guns are Dangerous

For a long time our house was gun free, then I went to war. It was not the sight of battle that convinced me (for me the sight of battle looks like a computer screen with dots on it); but it was the long hours of sitting around with not much to do. Not much to do means plenty of time for reading. Plenty of time for reading means you burn through every novel and magazine you were previously interested in and start expanding genres to see what else you might be interested in.
My buddy was interested in guns. He has a small arsenal in his house. He subscribes to every legitimate gun magazine in the English language. When he finished memorizing each article he would pass them on to me. I would look at the pictures and read one or two articles per magazine. And then he showed me the Mosin Nagant. It's a Russian rifle mass produced during World War 2, and you could buy one online for 70 bucks. I knew I had to make one mine.
Today it came. Complete with a cleaning kit that I don't know how to use, and a container of genuine Russian grease. There was also a bayonet. Now a dull bayonet is worthless, so I had to find out if this one was sharp. I applied a proven scientific test to the bayonet to test its sharpness. First I jammed the bayonet onto the barrel, and failing to get it to lock into place I tried to pull it back off. In so doing I scientifically ran my thumb over the tip and sliced it neatly in half. Satisfied with the sharpness I decided to remove some of the 60 year old grease from the cut and put the gun back into the bubble wrap and locked it up, where it will safely stay until I can go to a rifle range and unsafely blow the smithereens out of tiny paper targets.