It's Now Okay to Steal

Oklahoma is a state that prides itself as being the "Buckle of the Bible Belt" based on the number of huge churches which are filled every Wednesday night and most Sundays. The high moral ground occupied by all these Bible-thumpers has been a protection to the people of this state against all forces of nature and acts of God (except tornadoes, wild fires, ice storms, drought, and more tornadoes). This is a state that has constitutionally defined marriage and still allows the display of the 10 commandments in government buildings. That some of the commandments are scratched and faded should not imply that the rule of law is not held in the highest esteem and absolute honesty expected of all the ladies and gentlemen calling themselves residents of this great state. Unless it was someone else's mistake, and you're really just taking advantage... not stealing really, because you didn't actually take anything... and not lying, if nobody asks you any direct questions. After all, they have insurance to cover these sorts of things, and I've been ripped off a time or two, so it's just karma paying me back. I feel completely justified in my ability to rationalize.
The point of these ramblings can best be illustrated by a story I'd like to share:
We recently purchased new cell phones, the kind with a slot for a memory card so you can save songs and pictures on the phone. We ordered the memory cards online through Best Buy because that was cheaper than ordering the card through the phone company, or buying them in the store. We opted for free shipping rather than in-store pickup because it was free and we weren't planning on heading into that part of town anytime soon. Several days later (4 days longer than the "expected" ship date and at least 3 trips into that part of town) a large box arrived at our doorstep. Much larger than would be needed to ship two small memory cards. Opening the box revealed two Sony Cybershot digital cameras. Being the savvy consumers that we are we immediately kept the cameras and called to complain that we didn't get the memory cards. No, wait, that's what people thought we should have done. We took the cameras to the Best Buy (4th trip to that part of town) and exchanged them for the memory cards. The exchange went something like this:
Me: We ordered memory cards but got these cameras. Can I exchange them for the memory cards?
Customer service rep: (incredulously) You want to exchange them? I'd just keep the cameras.
Me: I didn't pay for cameras, and I don't really need another digital camera.
Customer service rep: Okay. (On radio to electrics manager) I need two micro memory cards for a customer who received two cameras by mistake.
Electronics manager: Why doesn't he keep the cameras?
Customer service rep: He says he doesn't need them and didn't pay for them.
Electronics manager: Okay, but I'd just keep them.
Customer service manager: What's going on here?
Customer service rep: This guy ordered two memory cards for like 40 bucks but got these two cameras which sell for like 300 bucks, and he wants to exchange them.
Customer service manger: Wow, I'd just keep them and buy new memory cards.
Customer service rep: Me too, but he wants to return them.
Customer service manger: Hmm, must believe in karma or something. (To me) Well, it pays to be honest, I guess, so we'll give you one of the memory cards free.
Me: (Somewhat happy and somewhat disgusted) Thanks.

Is it so rare for a person to be honest and not try to take advantage of someone's mistake that everyone at the store was shocked that I would bring in 300 dollars worth of merchandise to get my 40 dollar memory cards? I guess retail is a lot like politics, if you expect people to be dishonest, self-serving, and cheats, you'll get what you expected.

Scout Camp, and Why Dads are the Greatest

This last week I had the great privilege of accompanying the boys from our troop to Scout Camp. Located just outside the city of Talihina (Town Motto: Everything closes before 7!) Oklahoma. Of the adults who were able to attend with the troop I was in the unique position of being to only one without a son attending as well. Thus, I was able to observe the unique interactions between father and son outside the deeply entrenched patterns of the home.
Boys with involved fathers are more motivated to accomplish the various tasks assigned them at Scout Camp. This is not because Dad is yelling at them, or forcing them to do these things. The real motivator comes from the previous 12 to 16 years of Dad teaching them to do good things, and more importantly, working with them, and teaching them how to do good things well. When removed from the social settings of girls and friends from school, it is very easy to see the influence of good father in the life of their sons. Not every Dad was able to attend Scout Camp this week, but it didn't matter, their boys behaved the same as they would have if Dad had been there, because Dad has always been there at every crossroad of their lives.
My Dad was involved. I remember tagging along with him before I was Scout age, as he took the Scouts on various outings. I remember going to work with him when he was framing houses. We got to bring him tools and lumber, even though it would have been faster for him to get them himself. We got to eat lunch with him out of his lunch box. When we'd get bored, he'd nail together some scraps of lumber into the shape of an airplane, with spinning propeller, and we'd be set to play for hours. Dad was there at school sports. He watched the soccer team that never won a game. He sat in the classroom during three years of math relays. He couldn't always be at home, but whenever possible he took the family with him on business trips, to places like Coeur-d'-Alene, Washington D.C. and Orlando (I didn't go on that one, but the younger kids did).
As a kid it is rare to appreciate the true value of a great Dad. To me, he was just Dad. But when I started to associate with a lot of adults, who had known and worked with my Dad, and they took the time to let me know how impressed they've been by my Dad, and how lucky I am to have such a great guy for a father, I got the chance to reflect and see that they were right, and that I really did have a wonderful man for a father. Now that I'm older (not grown up) and have kids of my own, I can see even more clearly the great example of my Dad gave to me as a young boy at Scout Camp.

Good Sports

I've recently been coaching/playing on a basketball team for physically and mentally challenged adults. (None of them are "legally handicapped" or "genetically different" from what society has defined as "normal," but the physical and mental challenges are much more difficult for a bunch of slightly overweight guys who've never actually played organized basketball.) We play Tuesday nights at the Church as part of the infamous "Stake Basketball League." If you've ever played Church sports you understand that it is much different from "organized" sports. Organization is one of the key issues.
One of the major obstacles to Church sports is the distribution of talent. In an organized league you can set up different levels of teams, such as competitive, recreational, and terrible. In Church sports everyone gets dumped into the same pool and is allowed to compete together. Allowing players to form their own rosters added even more spice to the typical drama. In our local congregation the guys who had played in high school and still play regularly quickly found each other and filled their roster without an open invitation. Other teams were filled by people in a common age group, or who work at a particular place. I set out to recruit players with qualities similar to my own: Can't make a free throw, don't know all the rules, aren't very concerned with winning, enjoy playing for the fun of it, and need the exercise.
We've actually developed excellent skills as a team, playing off each other's strengths, and compensating for the abundant weaknesses. For example, I never get to dribble. Not that I'm not allowed to, I just don't do it very well, and so I pass the ball away as quickly as I can, most often to players on my team. I also have a designated spot to stand, right where the black squares are by the key. There I use my highly developed talent of being taller and heavier than most players to knock people out of the way and then hope the ball comes to me either by pass or missed shot. I then proceed to shoot the ball multiple times until it eventually lands in the basket, or someone else manages to jump over me and get the ball. I don't score a lot of points, but I lead the league in rebounds.
Our team has even won a few games, including against teams who were much better than us if taken as individuals. It just goes to show you that if you play as a team, and if the best players on the other team don't show up, you can win at any game you try.

Thank You, I Love You

Found an old file on the computer, from Mother's Day 1995. Enjoy:

There was an old woman
Who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children
She didn't know what to do.
So she gave them some soup
Without any bread,
Then beat them all soundly,
And sent them to bed.

Now this covered
The Mother's day job alright,
But what did she do
When she stayed up all night?
She washed lots of shirts
And socks all in bunches.
Then she found them some bread,
And made them all lunches.

In the morning she woke
Before the first crack of dawn,
And made up some oatmeal
Because the cereal was gone.
She then woke up her kids,
And heard them all fuss;
But she got them already
In time for the bus.

With the older ones at school
And the young ones under foot,
She read them all stories,
And kept them all put.
For dinner, more soup;
But the sisters and brothers
Offered their love for their’s,
The greatest of all mothers.

I hope the next pictures aren't of dead plants

This is the first fruits of our garden. I suppose technically we should have offered it up as a tithe. Maybe that's why I got smote with bloody knuckles.

You can see that the radishes and peas are doing well. The lettuce is also starting to look more salad-like. The corn isn't looking very healthy though. It may have sprouted too early and gotten frost bitten, or the pelting with hail stones may have broken its spirit. I think the onions are all dead. Maybe we'll cheat and buy some onion starts but not tell you when we post the next pictures.

We certainly did not cheat and buy strawberry starts. Just don't scroll down to the previous post and realize that there were no strawberry plants pictured, nor did I mention planting them. The fact that they are producing mutant strawberries should in no way be taken as indicative of the character of the care giver.

Here's another radish, actually the third one deemed large enough to be plucked out of the earth and devoured. Some of the radish seeds fell into the clay outside the garden and were actually growing faster than the ones inside. Turns out it was all show and no fruit. I tried to transplant some of the larger ones to better soil, but turns out ripping them from the ground and burying them again is not actually transplanting.

This is my brick patio. I made it with bricks that I "scavenged" from nearby construction sites. It is related to the garden because the clay I removed for the bricks is the clay that leveled a spot for the garden to sit on. Now I need to build a bench, plant some flowers around it, and get rid of the excess bricks. Maybe I could sell them to looters at a riot.

A Conversation With a Man With No Tools

Him: Hey, I need your help with a shelf.
Me: Okay, what, like moving it?
Him: No, I'm building one, but I need some tools.
Me: What do you need, a drill?
Him: No, I have a pounder, but I need a cutter.
Me: You mean a saw? Are you building from scratch or from a kit?
Him: The wife wanted a shelf, so I went and bought some lumber. I need to cut it.
Me: I'll load the truck, see you in a few...

Me: I brought a circular saw, a table saw, a miter saw, and a coping saw.
Him: That's a lot of saws. I just want to cut the shelves.
Me: We'll use the table saw for long cuts, for the sides of...
Him: How do I turn this on?
Me: You don't. Then the miter saw to do the angles...
Him: I think the blades in backwards, see...
Me: It's not in backwards, it cuts from the bottom.
Him: No, look, if I put my finger here, and turn it on...
Me: See, that's why you don't turn it on.
Him: There should be some safety guard on these things.
Me: That was the thing you pushed out of the way before you cut yourself.
Him: Yeah, I must have forgotten about that when I passed out.
Me: Don't worry, you didn't hurt any of my tools on the way down.
Him: Yeah, I was worried about that. Did you find my finger yet?

Haikus... Again?

Playing at the park
Why don't children have more fun
Not sharing their toys

Lego Star Wars Two
Keeping them busy today
Lets me get work done

Running marathons
Leave me with the crazy kids
Run Miss Giggle Run

How does my garden grow?

Literally thousands of you have been asking how the square foot garden is coming along. Nicely, thanks for asking.
Well, here's some pictures so you can see for yourself.

Here's the whole thing, not much of a perspective, but you can see the green in spots.

Here are the radishes, our first to sprout.

I think this is a green bean. Its about 50/50 right now if I will eat any green beans or not.

These are carrots. They look a lot like the onions, so only one picture.

This is corn in the fore ground, and you can see the peas in the background. The peas are our fastest growers.

Not pictured are the sprouts of cucumber, broccoli, onions, lettuce, artichoke, or pumpkin. (If you open up the pictures you can actually see some of them.) The tomatoes and jalapeños have not sprouted yet. We'll probably abandon hope on the tomato seeds and buy some tomato starts next week. It's pretty much guaranteed that I won't be eating any of the tomatoes, unless they are in salsa.

Look Familiar?

I really should not be left alone with the kids. Especially with Morty Jr following me around with a camera as I try to follow the guide book on taking care of Baby Morty.

48 Square foots

We decided that our Oklahoma clay is not ideal for growing our garden and so have built ourselves a "Square Foot Garden." Supposedly with the right mix of soil and other magical ingredients you can grow much higher yields of vegetables in a smaller area. Our experience has taught us a lot of new things.
1. 100 dollars in dirt is still not quite sufficient to fill an 8' x 6' x 8" tray.
2. A shovel swung at waist height for Morty Jr in an elevated garden is exactly head height on Baby Morty standing in the grass.
3. Hoping to grow a 500 pound pumpkin in a bucket is only a dream. A dream that will be crushed by a caring wife. Maybe a 400 pound pumpkin is more realistic.
4. The same mice that ate all the corn before we got any two years ago will somehow return from the dead, infiltrate the garage, eat all the seeds stored in a ziploc bag, inside a bucket, inside a wheel barrow, but leave the corn seeds to stand as a silent tribute to their domination.
5. If you cut the cable line while digging, and you don't have cable, then who cares?

Taking Care of Babies

I don't like to post unoriginal content, but this had me laughing out loud and I wanted to share.




























found on this site: instrucciones para cuidar un bebe