A Conversation With a Man With No Tools

Him: Hey, I need your help with a shelf.
Me: Okay, what, like moving it?
Him: No, I'm building one, but I need some tools.
Me: What do you need, a drill?
Him: No, I have a pounder, but I need a cutter.
Me: You mean a saw? Are you building from scratch or from a kit?
Him: The wife wanted a shelf, so I went and bought some lumber. I need to cut it.
Me: I'll load the truck, see you in a few...

Me: I brought a circular saw, a table saw, a miter saw, and a coping saw.
Him: That's a lot of saws. I just want to cut the shelves.
Me: We'll use the table saw for long cuts, for the sides of...
Him: How do I turn this on?
Me: You don't. Then the miter saw to do the angles...
Him: I think the blades in backwards, see...
Me: It's not in backwards, it cuts from the bottom.
Him: No, look, if I put my finger here, and turn it on...
Me: See, that's why you don't turn it on.
Him: There should be some safety guard on these things.
Me: That was the thing you pushed out of the way before you cut yourself.
Him: Yeah, I must have forgotten about that when I passed out.
Me: Don't worry, you didn't hurt any of my tools on the way down.
Him: Yeah, I was worried about that. Did you find my finger yet?