The Perfect Burger

I grilled burgers for dinner on Saturday. It was another Oklahoma winter weekend, sunny and in the high sixties, perfect for firing up the barbecue. I like to heat up the grill for a while early so that when I drop the patties on they get the nice lines on them like in the commercials. It's purely superficial, but I like it. Some people like to cook one side completely and then only have to flip once. I like to to flip thrice. Get it nice and soft, then add some Mrs Dash to get some flavor mixed in with the blood. Flip them again and add more Dash.
When they're done I like to add a slice of American cheese so it melts right away. Stack two burgers with pickles, onions, ketchup and miracle whip (and possibly some lettuce). Wash it all down with some not quite ice-cold lemonade (too cold and you can't drink it as fast) and you have an almost perfect meal.
Now, to no one's surprise, there are two burgers left. Take those two burgers, put the extra slices of onion between them, and refrigerate for an excellent lunch the next day right before church. Nothing better than tasting that sweet onion all through church, and you don't have to worry about onion breath, because making out at church is frowned on in most places.