Going Green

I mentioned global warming in my previous post, and it's been weighing heavily on my mind the last few months. I've never seen Al Gore's little movie, but I've been touched by it and have decided to go green in my life.
The first step is to reduce use of such things as electricity and water. We used to be burning up lots of power by using the TV and X-Box, while someone else was running on the treadmill, and the kids were running wildly around the house. Now we've harnessed their power, by converting the the treadmill into a power generator and hooking it up to the TV. Now one of the kids just has to get the thing going for a minute or so and we can watch our favorite TV shows. We even let them take breaks during the commercials. Another benefit is that due to the extremely high power output required to run the TV and a video game console, we have the only kids in the neighborhood who can run a marathon of five minute miles.
We've also reduced water consumption by declaring the bushes in the back yard a uri... Wait, I was asked not to go into that.
Lastly, there's the vehicles we drive. A big gas burning truck has quite a large carbon footprint. I calculated it, and my drive to work is exactly the same carbon footprint that a common squirrel puts out in a year. Driving to work and back everyday for a week is the equivalent carbon footprint of a large dog. So to offset my emissions I either try to find a large dog early in the week, or a squirrel every day and just run them ov... Sorry, I was asked to discontinue that line of thought as well.
I guess I'll just keep emitting to my heart's content, even if it means less free meat.