Bah, Humbug

Nothing says it's time for the holidays like climbing onto a frosty roof to put up lights, or as I call them, holiday bonuses for utility company employees. My favorite part is pulling little pieces of broken glass out of a wire with a current running through it (to see which ones are working), and then shoving not quite the right size replacement bulbs into the socket with numb and bleeding fingers. Placing the broken shards in a front pocket to throw away later is a good idea for about as long as you have until the next time you have to lay on your stomach to reach that part under the eaves but above a tree that could never be reached from the ground on a ladder, and can only be reached unsafely on the roof by sprawling like a lizard and hooking your foot in the rain gutter in order to make enough noise that if you do fall someone comes outside to check on you before spring. Also, getting off the roof by jumping down onto the cab of your car looks cool in the movies, but decreases the available headroom you like while driving.
Remember, don't go to holiday sales hoping to pick up one or two items that are advertised at unbeatable prices. The savings are offset by the trying to find a parking spot, standing in line for hours, and little plastic tags that say "Sold Out, No Rain Checks."
I hope you enjoy these merry links that either show my great enthusiasm for all the wintry festivities, or are a thinly veiled attempt at ironic sarcasm, take your pick:
Elf Yourself
Scrooge Yourself